● Once captured, seek his wallet not his heart. A common misconception is that you have responsibility for talking. You don't. Just giggle at the end of all his sentences.

● Play hard to get and keep him on his toes. Say things like 'no sex before marriage' and make sure you are frequently photographed without your engagement ring.

● The most heinous crime is to be ordinary. Change your name to one suitable for a footballer's wife. For example, choose the name of your favourite drink and then add the surname of your favourite footballer.

● One year before you wish to get married, decide upon your husband, arrange for him to propose and threaten to leave him when he's not quick enough to agree.

● If you are not going to go crazy with cash, you have no right to be a footballer's wife. Focus your aspirations on some well chosen and outrageously priced items. Don't spend money on your husband. It will only eat into the alimony.

● When it comes to beauty, don't be afraid of treatments that burn through your delicate skin like acid. That's how you know it's working.

● When dressing for matches, do your homework and don't turn up in an outfit in the opposition's colours.

● Being parental and having children looks good in the tabloids, particularly if you are losing your looks.

● Some football facts you need to be aware of include: It matters which net you get it in - though confusingly this changes at one stage in the match so check first. You are not allowed to use a tissue to pick up the ball, even if it's muddy.